Senior Epidemic

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 There is currently an epidemic sweeping the halls of Verona High School, taking out students left and right.  This crippling disease causes extreme apathy, lethargy, lack of concentration and a general lack of interest in academic pursuits.  The name of this truly horrific disease is Senioritis and the only known cure for this malady is a phenomenon known as graduation.

The senior class at VHS has been devastated by this disease whose symptoms include missing assignment deadlines, primarily wearing sweatpants, and even simply skipping class altogether.  Many seniors have even taken to Twitter to share remedies and tales of their individual symptoms.  For instance, one #senioritis tweet reads, “due tomorrow=do tomorrow because everyone knows temple run>homework #senioritis.”

Some seniors blame their willingness to succumb to the disease on the fact that they have already been accepted into college and there is no reason for them to try anymore.  One VHS senior feels that, “I’m already in all of my schools so I really just have to pass my classes and do the minimum amount of work required.” There are many seniors that share this view with the rationale that the only way their acceptance will be rescinded is if their grades drop so significantly that colleges will have to sit up and take notice.  However, according to About.com, only a very small percentage of students that have been accepted to colleges have their acceptance rescinded due to their mid-year grades.

Seniors are not afraid of losing their acceptances to college and do not regard this as a threat as they skip class to get coffee and play Fruit Ninja rather than finish their English essay.  Since there is no cure except graduation, the teachers of the affected students will merely have to wait until these unproductive seniors leave in June and stop infecting others with their unique brand of laziness.

For the affected seniors, unfortunately, they will have to simply suffer through their symptoms until the countdown to graduation ends and they are done with high school.  For now they can mark off the days on their calendar until finally…

The staff of the Fairviewer would like to apologize for the lack of a conclusion to this article as, while it was being written, the author succumbed to Senioritis and was rendered powerless to meet her deadline.

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