I’m used to moving a mile a minute, always having a place to be and things to do. Whether it be school, practice in the afternoon, or a game that night, life for me is always busy busy busy. 

Now, everything is at a standstill. The feeling of having nowhere to be, nobody to see, hits you like a ton of bricks. For someone like me, that has been the biggest change. 

This is my favorite time of the year: lacrosse season. Every year, the first week of March means the season begins. I look forward to it all year, through soccer and through the winter. I trained all winter to get ready for it. It’s my senior season.  I’m a captain. This is my team. I wanted to play so badly it aches.

We were supposed to have our first game yesterday. The fields that would have been full of players and games are abandoned. The goals that may have been scored, the games that may have been won, the moments that may have become treasured memories, for now are taken away. There’s an empty space where they would have been, a massive “what if” that haunts me. 

I don’t think I ever realized how grateful I was for the hectic everyday nonsense that used to dominate my life until it was gone. I don’t think I ever placed enough value in being able to pass your friends in the hallway, to turn to the desk next to you and ask someone a question. I miss the grind of having to drive to school, practices with my team, game-day excitement. I miss sitting in classrooms, I miss my teachers, I miss the bells in the halls. As surprised as I am to hear myself say it, I do miss school. 

There’s been a lot of moments recently where I’ve felt entirely crushed and heart broken with this new life. The moment feels like a never ending source of bad news, the separation kills me, and I miss my sport and my friends so much. 

Hope is hard. All the negativity that is in the world, at times it seems like it will overcome you. But every day I still try to keep my head up, to believe that everything will be okay. That’s all that anybody can do. I pray for a time when lacrosse returns,  the school’s halls are filled, and friends can come over and we can all be together. I miss the togetherness of life, but if this disaster has proven anything, we are all still in this together.